Hello, my name is Brian Glanz, but you can call me MatchMaker MeowMeow because bringing together marriage-minded cat-loving singles is what I do for a living, and as you will soon see, I'm one of my own clients. Here's my profile:

I'm looking for a lady who loves getting her pussy eaten, her asshole licked, her clit kissed, her tits tickled, her nipples nibbled and her pulsating pussy pumped. I prefer a perky pair of tiny tits - yet, if yours are big and floppy and hang down to the ground - that's ok - I'll just throw them over your shoulders and play with them behind your back while I do you doggie style. How does this sound to you?

What is my idea of a delicious dinner date? Shrimp & Lobster Sauce @ Yoo Suk Mee Noodle Cookery on Jing Ling Way - Wee then wok across the national borderline which separates Chinatown from Olvera Street - Next stop - Cielito Lindo Restaurant - where we enjoy a steaming plate of shredded beef taquitos...fried in scrumptious, sizzling lard; smothered in chilled avocado sauce for that perfect blend of hot and cold - which will certainly put smiles on the faces of our little taste buddies!

From Asian - To Caucasian

Recently, I've been getting excessive ammounts of email from women and teenaged girls living in China. They tell me they wanna meet me and have fun with me. The reason they're all so interested in me is because on my MatchDoctor personals profile, I indicated I would be willing to relocate anywhere in the world upon finding the woman of my dreams, and these girls were holding me to my word. Most of them were asking me to come out to China to see them, a few were making plans the other way around, including a young physician who expressed a desire to close down her clinic for a week, fly out to LAX, grab a taxi and meet me for dinner at Yoo Suk Mee Noodle Cookery on Jing Ling Way in Chinatown for that scrumptious, sizzling Shrimp & Lobster Sauce, mentioned in my MatchDoctor profile. So, when I told Dr. Woo Sing that Yoo Suk Mee was only a restaurant of my imagination, her response was - ha, ha, ha! Apparently, yoo suk mee: means the same thing ln Chinese as it does in English!

What Did Nicole Do To OJ? by Brian Glanz

OJ Simpson asked his former wife, Nicole if he could attend a post-dance recital dinner party, Nicole was throwing for their daughter, Sidney. Nicole said: No, no, no, OJ, you can't go, go, go! Now, in an even less than perfect world, here's what Nicole should have said to OJ: Of course you can come to Mezzaluna and have dinner with your daughter. Why are you asking me? Ask Sydney! Our daughter loves to be with you. To our daughter, you're the best dad in the whole wide world. You're the guy that everyone wants to be around and have a great time with. You're the Juice! You're the man! You're the handsome black tiger who bought me a breathtakingly gorgeous, sparkling white 1979 Ferrari 308 GTB for my birthday. The guy who gave all of my family members generous cash gifts and got them great jobs. You've treated my family with the utmost respect - and do you think for one minute that I'm not gonna let you have dinner with your daughter? Basically, you're asking me if I will let you spend a little quality time with your daughter on one of the most important days of her life. If I were to say no to you - you would probably come after me with a butcher knife!

How To Get Away With Murder by Brian Glanz

Chapter 1 - Killer & Judge vs. Ronald & Nicole Chapter 2 - The Judicial Circus Of The Century! Chapter 3 - Why Did Johnnie Cochran Lie? Chapter 4 - Why Did Johnnie's Brother Die? Chapter 5 - What Did Nicole Do To OJ? Chapter 6 - Why Did The Partial Jury Of His Peers Let The Juice Loose Like A Wild Goose? Chapter 7 - May Ronald & Nicole Rest in Peace!

Favorite Movies & Hidden Cameras by Brian Glanz

Billy Jack One, Billy Jack Two, Billy Jack Three, The Manchurian Candidate (1962), American Gigolo (1980), which - like a sonic boom - thunderously opens with the killer song "Call Me" by Blondie: which was worth the price of admission in itself.

"Sliver" - is a movie which is partially about an apartment owner who secretly views tenants having sex via closed circuit television.

Sliver is a movie so true to life by today's ways, but back then, unlike today, very few people knew about the existence and prevalence of hidden surveillance cameras.

Today, however, we clearly know about the widespread use of hidden video cameras in public and private places, yet we've become so sensitized to them that we fail to use our common sense in realizing that in order to catch shoplifters - invisible cameras have been installed in every dressing room and restroom in every department store throughout the world.

The next time you're in a store looking in a mirror - remember these wonderful words - When it's least expected - you're elected. You're the star today. Smile! You're on Candid Camera! With a hocus-pocus - you're in focus. It's your lucky day. Smile! You're on Hidden Candid Camera!

Introducing The World's Newest & Coolest Sport

Hi, my name is Brian Glanz. I just invented a new sport. It's called: Basket Ball, and the game only has one rule - the players cannot be over five foot eight inches tall.

In the game of Basket Ball, there are no age or gender restrictions, no coaches, no referees, no scoreboards and no bullshit!

Basket Ball is an equal opportunity sport! Yes, you no longer need to be tall to slam dunk, because in Basket Ball, the hoops are three feet lower than those in Basketball! Anyone wanna play? I didn't think so!

Hey Brian, wake up, wake up - you're dreaming again, bro!

Yes, I had a dream, that one day in the USA in the not too distant future, basketballs will be a little smaller, hoops; a little lower and players; a little shorter: in the Short League, and in the tall League; basketballs; a little bigger, hoops; a little higher, referees; a little taller and salleries: a little smaller. A maximum of Five million dollars per year should be adequate!

Brian Glanz, Van Nuys,
Calimexico, Amerexico